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The Penthouse Club is definitely one of the fancier strip clubs in the humble Land of Lincoln. And if you’re really stressing out as of late, skip the massage therapist and have one of the "TLC ladies" give you a back rub. Four things you're basically required to do when visiting our great state’s capital: 1) visit Abraham Lincoln’s home, 2) take a photo at the Illinois State Capitol, 3) eat a horseshoe sandwich, and 4) get some lap dances.

It’s much bigger in person then it looks in the movies like Source Code. OK, for whatever reason I was fully expecting Cloud Gate - aka The Bean in Chicago - to be a lame tourist attraction that didn’t make any sense existing in the middle of a classic city like Chicago.

It’s so fascinating to stand next to that you just start talking to about it to the strangers next to you. (Full disclosure: nobody, and I mean NOBODY, calls it Cloud Gate.) Well, I was right about it being a tourist attraction, but that’s about it.

Oh WAIT, they offer that too, as well as huge menu of dinner and breakfast offerings. Seriously though, this place has 25 TVs and two 84in big screens, sports memorabilia displays, and a red brick bar that looks like the outfield wall at Wrigley.

PT’s Sports Cabaret could actually pass for a pretty nice sports bar if there weren’t naked women walking around. Even the stripper stages are made to look like football fields.

(Full disclosure: nobody, and I mean NOBODY, calls it Cloud Gate.) Well, I was right about it being a tourist attraction, but that’s about it.

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