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Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name! 04/13/09 "Enter name." 04/13/09 "Try again." 04/13/09 "Examine room." Your name is JOHN. You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least. 04/14/09 "John: Equip fake arms." You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway. Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You're sure COLONEL SASSACRE would know the precise index of elevated hilarity.

04/14/09 "John: Examine contents of chest." In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER. Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY. 04/15/09 "John: Examine incoming message." You pull up to your COMPUTER. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. 04/15/09 "John: Open Pesterchum." Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. 04/15/09 "John: Open message." |PESTERLOG| -- turntech Godhead 04/15/09 "John: Look out window." You see the view of your yard from your window. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. 04/15/09 "John: Go outside and check mailbox." You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.

– Girls Lacrosse Club ~2 Years Later~ [Retranslated], best hentai Joshi Lacu!

Hey, welcome to the super cool low-tech search page! You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. 04/13/09 "John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer." Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord! Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL. 04/15/09 "John: Examine mailbox." The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up! It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store. Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. 04/16/09 "John: Examine games on CD rack." You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles. But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you.

You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. 04/16/09 "John: Allocate hammer to strife specibus." You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it.