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What people do to earn a living tells you a lot about them.It can clue you in on what they’ve studied (or not studied), what they find interesting (or whether they’re trapped in a dead-end job they loathe), and what they spend a good chunk of every day doing and thinking about.

A decade ago, it was still considered sort of creepy if you admitted to meeting someone online. People all over the world are striking up friendships and romances with people they meet online on facebook, in chat rooms or game forums, and via email and apps.

In many people’s minds, meeting on a dating site or via email was an automatic strike against your chances of forging a serious, long-term relationship. Meeting online is now one of the most common ways to find a partner.

Meeting for a quick coffee early in the process isn’t always feasible, however. There are good reasons that asking questions and listening well are relationship superpowers.

So what else can help you stay safe and date smart when you meet someone interesting online? Guard yourself against the assumptions and idealizations that can flourish in a long distance relationship. Don’t just think about the image you are presenting to this prospective partner, think about what they are telling you. Often we neglect the basics because we’re looking for a surefire tip or a secret answer we just haven’t figure out yet.

In the process, you sometimes don’t listen carefully to what the other person is saying (or not saying) about themselves.

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